Two Words


Cameras rolling, larger than life, larger than usual, blocking the audience from them and them from the audience.

"It isn't cool! It's too fiddly." Same argument as always.

Closing the gap to argue, looming over the shorter man, almost kissing him, dropping the cards with the pictures of the cars on them to feel his hair between them, grip his head and brutally claiming his mouth.

In front of everyone. In front of the nation. And those two fatal words balanced precariously on the tip of the tongue....

~

"Oh, god, Jez...."

There were unshed tears in the big brown eyes, drops that split over when they closed. Jeremy ran his hands over smooth, bare flesh, urging Richard forward in his lap as he slid closer to the edge of the sofa, going deeper, rocking his lover further onto his dick.

Running his hands up the curve of Richard's back to his shoulders, Jeremy leaned in, lapped at the hollow of the lightly stubbled throat, trailing his tongue over the hard line of collar bone, left then right. Soft moans rushed passed his ear on hot breath; lazy pleas, fingers clawing his own shoulders, thumbs pressing hard into his muscles.

Back down, to Richard's waist, the small of his back, fingers venturing along the crack of his small, taut arse until he could feel the base of his own erection, the thick length disappearing up inside his lover's body. Still, Richard's movements weren't quick or urgent; slim, muscled thighs tensing; slow, gentle thrusts of his hips, controlling this, taking his pleasure at his own pace.

Threading his fingers through sweat-damp hair, Jeremy directed his head down to kiss him, thrusting his tongue into the hot mouth, trying to say everything without words and knowing there was so much - too much - he was failing to convey.

Drawing his own head back he tried to put it instead into his eyes but could only watch the tears spill over Richard's cheeks as slowly his orgasm peaked and he shook, body clenching around Jeremy's dick, dragging his own climax from him.

Not unusual for Richard to plaster himself to Jeremy after they'd made love. Not surprising for narrow arms to wind around his neck. It was a few seconds though, before he realised there were tears on his shoulder. He'd assumed they were residual, held over from the pain he'd unintentionally caused when they'd started tonight.

"Rich...." Jeremy held him, arms wrapping around him, carefully lifting him until he was free of the limp dick still holding him open, bringing him as close as he could. "Hey...."

There were words, but it took a couple of moments for him to work them out. "Sorry. I'm sorry."

"What for? Rich, what's wrong?"

Slowly, so slowly, Richard released the death grip around Jeremy's neck and rested his forehead against the wrinkled brow. Jeremy kissed both cheeks, tasting salt and sweat.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm... it's nothing."

"It's something, Rich. Tell me."

"I'm just tired...."

Jeremy chuckled softly. "My kids use that line." But he'd been wrong to say it. He knew that when Richard tried to untangle himself. "Oh, no you don't." Stroking the damp, dark hair, Jeremy leaned back enough so he could look into the melted chocolate gaze. "What's wrong?"

"You're going to end it, aren't you?"

He hesitated a breath too long. Richard pulled out of his arms, backed up and dropped his feet to the floor, picking his shirt up from the carpet and shrugging it on but making no move to dress any further. Taking a cigarette from Jeremy's packet on the coffee table he lit it with the lighter sitting on top.

Jeremy watched every nervous move. "What the hell makes you say that?"

"I overheard you talking to James in the Portacabin last Wednesday. You said... something like, 'I almost want to leave him'. And I don't know why because it's never been easy and it's never been perfect but...."

"That's not what I said." Jeremy talked right over him, reaching for the Malboros himself.

"So what did you say?"

With a heartfelt sigh, he looked up and shook his head. "You don't want to know. It didn't mean anything, it was just... we were just talking."

"If it didn't mean anything...."

"Don't do that. I love you, Rich, you have to trust in that."

He stopped pacing and dropped back to the sofa, huffing out a lungful of smoke. "Don't you think we're keeping enough secrets without keeping stuff from one another?"

"God, Richard...." The man's impossible logic was irritating but he was so fucking annoyingly right. "Okay. But you asked, and I repeat, it didn't mean anything." Richard dutifully nodded. "The other night, when the three of us were together... I kept wanting to say something to you. It was on the tip of my tongue when we were making love, but I waited until you were asleep. I thought James was too but he overheard me...."

Richard's fingers against his lips surprised him.

"You're right, aren't you? I don't want to hear this." Jeremy shook his head, relief streaming through him. "Don't say it."

"I do love you."

"I know. And I love you too. But we're in an impossible position, and it's one we have to live with, one words alone won't change... can't change. And we wouldn't want them to. Would we?"

Jeremy didn't answer. He took a long drag on the smoke and stubbed it out in the glass ashtray. "Stay tonight."

Richard stubbed out his own cigarette and nodded.

~

The night air was crisp when James tooled the Boxster quietly into the gravel drive. Grabbing his coat from the passenger seat, he locked the car with a press of the button, crunched across to the step and slid the key into the front door, turning it silently.

Toeing his shoes off in the hall, straying into the lounge to drape his jacket across the arm of the sofa, he padded up stairs.

Jeremy and Richard were sound asleep, Jeremy lying on his back with Richard curled up to his side, one leg and one arm thrown over his older lover, forehead tucked into Jeremy's shoulder, held in place with a possessive arm.

For a minute or two he stood statue-still and admired them, then he stripped off, shivering in the cold, and slipped under the duvet, lying the length of Richard's body, cheek against the back of his head, hand on his thigh.

He woke briefly, asked James how it had gone without opening his eyes.

"It was fine."

"Jez and I had an argument."

"So what else is new?" James closed his eyes, breathing in the bittersweet tang of sex. Whatever it had been about, it was obviously sorted now. "Go back to sleep."

Squirming until he was comfortable between them, he did just that. But James lay awake for a while, wondering what he'd missed, wondering if this thing would ever be simple.