In Plain Sight


He'd missed the buzz of Wednesdays at Dunsfold. Missed the easy camaraderie between the three of them. Now that everything was different it was nice to just relax, to tease one another with words and with their simple proximity.

Winding Richard up about being gay was out now, of course; a little too close to the mark and there was the very real possibility he'd turn around one day and throw it back at them in a fit of pique they'd all regret. Add to that the fact that the teeth whitening thing had been done to death, and while Jeremy wished the bloody writers of that awful show on ITV had found their own jokes, it was flattering in a way and it had forged a continuing link between Richard and Top Gear when they'd all desperately needed one.

But as well as stealing his ideas, the show had provided he and James with a lifetime of material and they'd decided between them to start with a gentle 'Richard washes and shaves with breakfast condiments' theme and go from there. Happily Richard was taking it with good grace and today's filming had gone smoothly and, for once, to schedule.

Jeremy been feeling good - feeling great. Until he'd heard two women who'd been in the audience talking quietly to themselves as they left the hanger.

"They touch each other a lot don't they?"

"Yeah, but how sweet is that?"


"We're too physical with each other."

Richard dropped hard on his arse to the stage next to Jeremy, hands rubbing together. Not the warmest place on god's earth, he had to admit, he was just too riled to notice.

"The problem is we're comfortable with one another now. We don't think about it."

Hands stuffed in his pockets, James meandered across to join them. "It's hiding in plain sight. No one thinks anything of it because we've always had this chemistry between us. Anyone trying to analyse it would draw the conclusion that we're good friends now, having worked together for so long, and we're just relaxed around one another."

"And we've always been physical," Richard pointed out.

Jeremy shrugged, "Well, James has. You haven't. Neither have I."

Richard glanced at him at the same time as James protested, "How can you say that? Who was the one who got an arm around his waist and lifted him up to put the Harrier's time on the top of the Fastest Lap board?"

The big brown stare of amazement was turned on James, but this time Jeremy got in first. "That really got to you didn't it? You're still jealous, even now!"

"Er, guys…."

"Yes, actually. National - global - television and you're all over him!"

"I am not 'all over him'! Who cuddled him when he was pissed about losing the Old Vs New races? And who leans an elbow on his shoulder whenever he can get away with it."

"Jez…?"

"Who wrestled him to the floor of the studio for a picture of a BMW?!"

Jeremy shook his head. "You're pathetic."

"I'm pathetic? Fine. I'll leave."

Gobsmacked, Richard watched James stalk away from them, heading for the exit. "What the hell just happened?"

~

"How did that end in an argument?"

Jeremy leaned back into the corner of his sofa and shook his head. "I have no idea. James is becoming worse than you these days."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He rolled his eyes. "Jesus, Richard….."

"Sorry."

There was a pause before he decided to ask, "Do you think this is worth it? Us, I mean? The three of us."

Richard nodded with certainty. "Yes. Could you stop? Could you want us and not have us?"

He hesitated. "I could end it with James. But not with you. I couldn't bear knowing you and not loving you; couldn't be close to you and not touch you. But that's the problem. One day someone's going to put two and two together and that'll be the end of everything. Could your marriage survive it?"

"I don't honestly know. They get a different part of me; you and James get someone they don't even know - someone I was before I got married, someone I'd maybe missed. I feel… alive with you two, I feel that thrill, that… adrenaline rush. And I think it's because we're not supposed to be doing it, because it's something the whole world doesn't know about. Every other part of my life seems almost to belong to someone else, but this - this is mine. I don't want anyone else knowing not because I'm worried about the consequences - even though I probably should be - but because I'm selfish, I want this for me."

Jeremy smiled at him, leaning across the back of the sofa to be met halfway in a long, lazy kiss.

"James would shout it from the rooftops if he could."

"I know," Richard admitted softly. "I can understand that, and I don't mean that egotistically. I mean… some relationships you do want to broadcast to the world." He took a deep breath. "What about you? You could give James up?"

"I love you both. But you… I ache for you. I long for you some days. Just to see you. Then, of course, when I see you I immediately want more."

"Could your marriage survive it all coming out?"

"Yes. I think so. Maybe I'm being egotistical now but we've worked out problems in the past."

"I think finding out you're sleeping with your two male co-presenters might be slightly more than a problem."

"Possibly. You're probably right."

"I couldn't end it with either of you. I get something different from you both, things I crave. A year ago I didn't even know anything was missing from my life. Now, if was to all be over, there would be this gaping hole I'd never be able to fill."

They heard a car pull up on the gravel outside - definitely James' Porsche - and Jeremy heaved himself off the sofa with a giant, fake sigh.

"It's about time."

"I'm surprised he made it here at all."

Jeremy grinned. "It's got Sat Nav."

"Which does require you to know the location of your destination."

Richard had a point. James still didn't know which county either of them lived in. Probably didn't know where London was except for, 'at the end of the M4'. One day he was going to end up in Cardiff.

Jeremy let the door swing open and met James' pensive expression with an accusing one.

"Sorry."

"I should think so. Get inside, you idiot."

James stepped inside the hall. "Is Rich here?"

"In the lounge."

Jeremy followed him through, heard his second apology of the evening as he dropped into the armchair to the left of the sofa.

"What happened?" Richard repeated his unanswered question from earlier in the evening.

"I happened." Jeremy wasn't sure he'd ever seen James looking so morose. "I've been like this for weeks and I am really sorry. It was so good to see you today and there are a million ways I'd rather have spent the time instead of messing about in front of an audience of five hundred strangers and a camera crew."

"It is what we do, James."

Glad that he hadn't been the one to have to point out the obvious, Jeremy nodded as he got comfortable again in the opposite corner of the sofa to Richard.

"I know! But…." He stalled, looked at them both on the sofa opposite him like an informal interview panel, and shook his head. "It doesn't matter."

Richard sat forward. "Yes, it does. Tell us."

"I don't want to risk losing you."

"At the risk of sounding like a woman," Jeremy put in, "if we can't talk without risking breaking up, we shouldn't all be together."

Richard grimaced at him and he shrugged his apology, but James was nodding.

"I want something here I'm never going to get. And that's not to say I won't be satisfied with what we have, because I will. I have to be, because the alternative is worse."

Jeremy wasn't sure that made sense. "What do you want?" He glanced at Richard and by the look on his face it was obvious he already knew the answer.

James just shook his head. "He knows what I want, there's no point in saying it."

So he had to take a run and guess. "You think you're the only one risking yourself, that we're only risking other people."

"No," James shook his head. "I did think that once but not now."

"You know we both love you?"

"I know you both love me. And like I've said before, usually it's enough. But sometimes, when you two go home and I'm left…. I don't want to be alone my whole life. I would have Richard as my partner in a heartbeat and screw what the papers say and he knows it. But it's never going to happen." He dropped his head to the back of the leather armchair and closed his eyes. "Last week I met a woman in the local pub. Her name's Anna and she rides a Suzuki GSX750. She's thirty-four years old and she's beautiful."

Jeremy glanced at Richard whose face was blank. He wondered what was going through his mind, and if it was the same slicing jealousy he was already beginning to feel cutting through his stomach, making him nauseous.

"I bought her a drink which turned into two, which turned into lunch at the weekend and dinner at my place last night." He opened his eyes then and looked across at them. "She would have stayed if I'd asked her to. Instead I called a cab around midnight and she went home. Because when I thought about taking her to bed and went upstairs to make sure the bedroom was in a presentable state, I saw your shirt across the back of one of the chairs."

Richard didn't look up when he said, "She'd have presumed it was yours."

"I don't think that's the point," Jeremy murmured softly.

"Oh." His head lifted slowly and brown eyes met blue.

"I know it's never going to be like I want it to be, and there will be other 'Anna's. But after that last night and then your comments this evening…" he glanced at Jeremy, "I just thought - how much backing away do I need to do? One thing I do have with both of you is the freedom to touch. I am not giving that up because women see something in our relationship that actually… is there." He let out his breath in a huff. "Sorry."

"Will you please stop apologising?" Jeremy looked from one man to the other. "Let me get us a drink." He rose to his feet.

"Jeremy, are we okay being here?"

It took him a moment to work out what James was actually asking, then he nodded. "We're fine. They're up at my mother-in-law's."

He was gone a few minutes, making coffee, hunting out the expensive whiskey he'd brought back from Ireland, and finding something else too, something he hadn't been sure he was ever going to bring up but knew now that he needed to.

When he walked back into the lounge with a full tray, he'd expected to find his two lovers all over each other. But worryingly, they were still sitting in their respective seats.

Rolling his eyes as he dragged the coffee table closer to the sofa with his foot and deposited the tray, he instructed James to get himself 'over here' and budged Richard into the middle of the sofa while James somewhat reluctantly sat where he himself had been sitting.

"Ugh, it's all warm," James complained. But Richard getting himself comfortable by leaning back against him and putting his feet up on Jeremy's legs effectively shut him up. No way could any man so inclined resist Richard snuggling against him, and sure enough James' arms wrapped around him almost of their own accord.

Jeremy pushed Richard's shoes off, threw them out into the hall where he knew he'd trip over them later, and leaned over his feet to press the plunger on the cafetiere and pour the coffee.

He handed the mugs out, filled the three crystal tumblers with whiskey, and picked up the folded sheets of A4 paper from the edge of the tray.

Curious as always, Richard metaphorically pounced on them. "What's that?"

Jeremy took a deep breath. "Well. I know what James means about us being so… temporary. We've been together like this for a year and I don't see us… as transitory. I think this is going to last and I think… I thought we needed something, some kind of commitment."

"Jez…."

But he held up one hand. "Just hear me out. Last month, when I was away with the kids on the Isle of Man, I found a house - it's a converted barn about two miles out of Laxey, over looking Bulgham Bay. It's only small; two bedrooms, a lounge-kitchen, no dining room. But it has two double garages, the master bedroom is huge and has an en suite bathroom with a walk-in shower, it's just been developed so it's got modern decoration and it's fully furnished."

Richard wouldn't be silenced for any longer. "Why are you telling us about your new holiday home?"

But James at least had twigged. "He isn't, Rich. He's telling us about our new retreat."

Jeremy met the sparkling blue eyes and nodded. "I bought it. I didn't tell anyone, I got a solicitor on the island to sort out the details and the paperwork and I'm picking up the keys from him two weeks on Saturday. Now, I'm happy to own it, for it to be my investment. But if you two want to come in with me, a third each, I'll sign whatever contracts we get drawn up and it'll be ours. It'll be something tangible that we own jointly."

He unfolded the papers and handed them to Richard, who was still staring at him open-mouthed. The house itself looked beautiful. Glass frontage overlooking the bay and from the long-distance shot, not another building in sight.

"You're serious?" Richard finally managed after gawping at the scanned colour photos for a minute or so.

"It's completely up to you. I know it's another lie, I know you're going to have to explain the spend, but…."

But Richard was shaking his head. "It's fine. It's… great." A grin finally broke out on his face. "It's the best idea you've had in a very long time."

"Well, in about a year, I think. James?"

"Oh, I'm in. I was in at 'I found a house'."

"Good. I'll sort out the paperwork and if you're both free two weeks on Friday, the ferry sails at seven in the evening." He put down his mug and picked up a glass of whiskey. "I guess there's only one thing missing."

Still reading the property details in his hands, Richard asked innocently, "And what's that?"

"We had an argument. We need make up sex."


Sometime later, sprawled almost naked in an untidy heap of limbs and sated bodies, Richard asked the man sucking on his big toe,

"Just out of interest, how did you explain away the outlay of cash to buy the house?"

Jeremy lifted his head and cuddled Richard's foot to his throat. "I said I'd put a deposit down on a Veyron."