DANCE HALL BALLS

by elfin


How long had I waited for this?  To hold in my arms someone who really wants me, someone whose yearning for me is shining in those jade eyes�.  Where has this connection come from?  What is it?  Just a man I chose a long time ago; a convenience, a dead man whose identity I stole and made my own.  To finally meet my namesake; alive, warm, as male, so damn hot, but tempered with that internalised battle against himself, that which makes him so achingly beautiful.  The kiss - that sweet, tender kiss, so full of promise� I can keep Jack, stay the night and make damn sure he doesn't fly out in the morning.  Mess with history just this once and ensure this wonderful man lives longer than just twelve short hours�.

"Jack, we need you!" 

Toshiko, who trusts me with her life - would have done if we'd ended up staying here indefinitely.  I would have protected her, kept her safe, made sure no one hurt her.  I always keep my promises unlike some people I know.  The rift is open and it's my duty to step through, to go back - back to Cardiff, back to Torchwood, back to waiting for a man I've already waited over a hundred years for.  What investment do I have there, despite everything I preach?  None.  Nothing.  Nada.  A bunch of misfits, of self-interested wannabes so out of their depth that without me they would most likely drown.  Do I care?  Owen, with his bed hopping and childish, pathetic dreams of being in charge, being a man.  Gwen, with her one-sided morals and her teenage crush on her boss.  Tosh - Tosh is a good person.  She should be working with kids or conservation, a scientist curing cancer, with a loving girlfriend waiting at home and a cat to sit in her lap during those long winter nights in front of the TV.  Ianto� Ianto deserves someone better, someone not so screwed up.  Someone who wouldn't leave at the first available opportunity�.

"Jack, please!  We need you.  Ianto needs you." 

Cheap shot.  One last look at my beautiful captain, that winning smile playing on those gorgeous lips.  The bravest man I've ever met and it has nothing to do with his job and his rank.  I know I have to go with Tosh�.

How long have I waited for this?  A hundred years, a thousand more, to hear that sound, like the universe shrieking.  Turning slowly I see in front of so many pairs of widening eyes the blue police box materialises right in front of the stage.  A man steps out through the narrow door and leans back against it with the nonchalant air of an arrogant Time Lord.  He looks so different but the expression remains the same and there's still that burning need in those starry eyes. 

"Doctor�."  His lopsided smile� like he's finally decided I've passed some sort of test, either that or he's given up caring about the results.  "You left me."

A shadow flits across his face - years passing between us.  "I'm sorry." 

It's not even a choice.  I've waited for this man all my life, but I know well enough where my heart has taken up residence.  Even if he isn't, I'm a commitment type of guy and I know which way that path leads.  I'm happy to walk it.  I kiss Jack again, one last time, and turn to Tosh.

"Tell Ianto� I'll see him again."

I spare them both the sight of me running from them into the arms of the only life I've ever really known, even if every fibre in my body and soul is telling me to do just that before he flies off again without me.   But I'm through that wooden door before him and if he says anything to Tosh or Jack I don't hear it.  Then the door is closed, the deadbolt thrown on that strange little Yale lock, and I'm back where I most definitely belong