|His first night
back, I held him while he slept.
Neither of us questioned it, neither of us said a word. I went in to the VIP room we'd set him up in. He was lying on top of the bed clothes, still dressed in the blue fatigues and black T-shirt someone had scared up for him. He didn't say a word, just scooted across the large bed to make room for me.
I spooned up to his back, one arm around him, wrapped over his waist, the other folded under my head. And he snuggled back into me, covered my hand with his and pushed his fingers through mine.
He slept - exhausted. Warm. Back where he belonged although I wouldn't ever say it. I didn't for a long time. I lay awake trying to reassure myself that he was real, that this wasn't just another dream. They'd become so vivid over the last few weeks. Since Abydos.
I don't know when I finally fell asleep, but I woke when Daniel shifted away from me. For a moment I tightened my arm around him, but he muttered something about needing to pee so I reluctantly let him go. I closed my eyes when I heard the toilet flush. I didn't know if he'd come back to bed or if he did, if he'd just perch on the edge of the mattress. It's one thing cuddling up to your apparent friend (did he even know me from Adam?) and ex-Team Leader when he was tired and confused and hurting. But awake and aware I wasn't so sure he'd be confident enough to claim the place that was rightfully his, even if he didn't know it.
I was amazed when he got back into bed, shifted back until he could pull my arm over him again. I forgot to breathe for a second or two and he turned on to his back, shoulder resting hard against my chest, hand brushing the sleepy arousal he'd honestly awaken in any hot-bloodied human being.
His eyes were wide in the dim light coming from under the locked door. He knew I was awake, there was no point pretending.
Lifting my head I looked at him with a smile and he smiled right back, dazzling, lighting his whole face. And he said three words that made no sense to me until hours later.
"It was you."
I knew only of the awe I'd somehow inspired in him and a heartbeat later of the taste of his lips on mine.
There was no way I wasn't kissing him back. I'd fooled myself for long enough about my feelings for this man. I'd pushed him away so hard and over so much time that when he died my emotions were still locked up and I'd lost the key.
But without him, nothing was the same and when I had to say goodbye for a second time it was too much. I knew in my heart and my soul that I loved him. It was an easy thing to admit to when he wasn't around to confess to. Even later, having him close was okay because he was still the thing that Oma had made him in order to save his life.
But he's no longer ascended. He's a solid human male again, more real to me than he's ever been.
His tongue hesitantly snuck under mine and he did this thing with its tip, tracing a line along the underside, wrapping it over the top. My mind translated the action to my dick so automatically I didn't even realise I had a full erection until Daniel dropped his head back to the pillow with a quiet laugh.
"You really are pleased to have my home, right, Jack?"
God, yes. I didn't know how much I needed him until that moment but I knew I'd missed him. I knew every day without him had been getting longer. But this... this wasn't something I'd considered. I loved him, I cared for him, I wanted him back. I missed his smile, his intelligence, his humanity. I missed the way we always seemed to play off one another, even when we weren't seeing the same side of a situation.
But I'd still been jerking off to vague mental images of breasts and a soft, welcoming body beneath me.
My dick, apparently, had other ideas. And amazingly I found them completely erotic. I hadn't been that turned on in... a decade. Maybe more.
I hadn't answered his question. Mr Happy was definitely giving off emphatic 'YES' vibes but this was Daniel. He needed something more than a horny colonel he didn't remember poking him insistently in the thigh.
"I love you, Daniel." The words burst out of me like I'd been dying to say them and he lit up.
But his response wasn't what I'd been expecting.
"I know that, Jack. If you didn't, I'd like to think we wouldn't be lying here like this."
That was it. The single greatest defining moment of my life. He didn't seem to care that he was the first person with a dick I'd confessed to being in love with. Maybe not the first guy to excite Mr Happy, but definitely the first one to excite the rest of me too.
I had no idea where to go from there so it was lucky one of us was thinking straight. He nodded at the camera in the corner of the room.
"Is that on?"
I shook my head, thankful for a momentary distraction.
"No. You... you negotiated to have them disabled a while back for some visitors and we never switched them on again. Jonas... has been camping out in one of the other VIP rooms."
Quinn had never settled enough to rent a place in town and maybe, just maybe, I was a part of the reason he hadn't. Honestly, I didn't care.
But Daniel had a point. I wasn't sure I wanted the base to hear me barking like a dog the moment I got him naked. It was three in the morning but the place doesn't sleep. A mad idea wormed its way into my brain but as soon as I thought it I knew it was what we were going to do.
"Want to get out of here?"
He stared at me.
"And go where?"
"My place." I heard the old sarcastic twist in my voice and gentled it with a smile. "My bed's just as big and...."
I just hadn't been expecting simple agreement. I don't know why. In the past everything between us had been so damn complicated. But no longer, apparently.
He was already getting out of bed, waving his ass around as he searched for his boots. Still a couple of seconds behind, my head was still trying to catch up. My place. We were leaving here to go to my place and we weren't going all the way out there for a couple of beers and a hockey game.
My dick was out of bed before I was.
Every airman we passed had a smile and a welcome home handshake for Daniel. I could tell it was bewildering him - he only knew what he'd been told of this place and his role in it. He was taking our word for everything he was trusting to be true. He was running on feelings and instincts alone. His faith in us was nothing short of mind-blowing.
When the fourth or fifth man greeted him he looked to me with an almost desperate plea and I re-routed us through what I knew was a quieter part of the base. The only other SFs we saw then were the two at the desk when we signed out. They too welcomed Daniel home. I could see in their faces that they'd thought he was dead. Some did. But around the Stargate the unexpected had become commonplace and they were almost used to it.
My truck was parked exactly where I'd left it four or five days ago when I'd driven in to be told we were going to check out the city of the lost. That irked me. Jonas claiming Daniel's original translation was wrong. How dare he?
But it was old anger and one glance at the man climbing into the passenger seat made it seem all the more pointless.
There wasn't a single other car on the road. We didn't see another soul during the entire twenty-minute journey - the fastest I've ever made it home from the mountain. It made it seem unreal in some odd way. And I didn't want that, I didn't want it not to be real.
Daniel must have read my mind or something, or perhaps he was feeling the same, but about half way home he put his hand on my shoulder, spread his fingers out onto my back and started to talk to me.
"It must have been hard on you, me... leaving, like that."
Actually, it wasn't. Him dying in front of me would have been harder. Burying him - or probably cremating what was left - would have been harder. Knowing he was out there somewhere was okay for the first couple of months. I was okay. I held myself together even when the sight of Jonas reminded me of every one of Daniel's final minutes and hours.
Only since he came to me during my stay at Ba'al's place had it been difficult. Saying goodbye to him that second time, when I'd looked into his face and some small part of me had realised the truth, broke the defences I'd built all around me and I'd started to crumble.
"I missed you," I told him truthfully. "A lot."
There's still not too much I can unload on him at the moment. He'd barely remembered anything of his former life never mind his ascended one. It made conversation difficult unless he was asking specific questions.
I slowed for a red light, the first one I'd slowed for in the last ten minutes, and glanced at him. "Don't ever apologise for saving yourself. You were dying. We were watching you die and it was one of the most painful things I've ever been through. Anything was better than having Janet proclaim you dead and then having them... take you away from us."
His hand tightened on my shoulder, where it stayed for the rest of the trip. Only when I pulled into the driveway of my darkened home did he let his hand drop to his seatbelt and released it.
Getting out of the truck he stared at the house for a long time, trying to remember I guess.
"Anything?" I prompted after a minute or two.
"Something. Feelings... home and... not." He took a deep breath and shook his head. He had no idea about the emotions this place was touching inside him but I recognised them immediately. He'd been accepted here, as my friend, my confidant. And then I'd rejected him in almost exactly the same spot I'd first hugged him. Not because I'd wanted to but because I'd been told to, forced to.
Never again, I decided right there. Never again would the Air Force or my job and rank come between us, whatever 'us' turned out to be.
He was my friend, my best friend. I had a second chance I didn't feel I deserved and I wasn't going to blow it this time. No way. It was a liberating feeling, suddenly knowing, suddenly more sure of who I was and what I was doing than I had been in a very long time.
I looked at him, still standing on the path gazing at the house in front of him, trying to remember. And I knew I didn't want him to remember. Not then. I reached across and took his hand. He turned his head and smiled at me again. I'd missed that too. Sometime in the past he'd stopped smiling. Probably because of me. Something else that wasn't going to happen a second time.
Without a word I led him to the door. He held onto my hand loosely, following me, waiting for me to find my keys in one of my jacket pockets and let us in.
The moment the door was closed behind us he kissed me. I dropped the keys and barely registered the clatter as they hit the wooden floor. My hands went to his throat, cradling his neck, stroking his nape, feeling his hair against my fingers. His mouth was perfectly obscene, no hesitation this time, no virgin shyness. He stepped forward and I let him crowd me against the wall, feeling his arms around my waist, his hands spread out on my back, restlessly moving until he'd pulled the T-shirt from my pants and had found bare skin.
I heard my own moan merge with the soft growl from his throat. The sound alone was enough to turn up the gas but I'd found warm skin too, one hand roaming up under his T-shirt while the other combed into his hair. I could feel him, his hard arousal coming up along side my own and somewhere in the back of my mind the word 'docking' came from a distant memory accompanied by a bright, vulgar image of two very hard, very heavy cocks.
I pulled back suddenly, banging my head against the wall with a dull crack.
"Daniel...." Already I was breathing hard. "Are you sure...?" It seemed a stupid question even to me but I had to ask. He couldn't remember his own dead wife, what right did I have to be doing this? To be taking such complete advantage of him?
"Jack. I want to go to bed. I want to get naked. I want to make love with you. Now."
'Why?' was right on the tip of my tongue before he dove in again. I knew it was a question neither of us really wanted to ask. I took his hand again and when he released my tongue with a quick kiss to my lips I led him through to the bedroom without hitting a single light.
The bed wasn't made from the morning I'd left and the curtains were open. I could see him in the moonlight and it gave him a translucent hue to his skin that made me think for a moment - what if he wasn't actually descended? What if this was some kind of trick?
He'd pulled his T-shirt off as we'd stepped into the room and when he lifted mine over my head, pressed us chest to chest, skin to skin, I knew I was just panicking. In Ba'al's cell, I'd thrown my shoe through him, just to check.
Daniel was solid all right. My arms went around him of their own accord just as his came around me. We kissed so deeply it was as if we were trying to crawl down one another's throats, to get inside one another as quickly as possible.
Somehow, we made it to the bed, wriggling out of our own pants and underwear as we went, kicking boots and socks into far corners.
Naked, we clung to one another, still kissing, lips sliding one way then the other, tongues battling territorially. He was beautiful; gloriously hard, every muscle exquisitely defined. I couldn't get enough of him, couldn't touch every inch of him when I wanted to - I needed to. I didn't even realise he had me pinned beneath him until I was wrapping my legs around his thighs, caressing his calves with my feet just to feel more of him.
I was only aware of him, and one specific part of him, until his hands clawed into my ass, pulling me closer, up to meet him. Breaking the brutal contact of our mouths, I yelled hard, almost screaming in frustration.
His palms were massaging my butt, his fingertips playing close to the place no man had ever been before and all I wanted was for him to get inside me. A finger, his face, his dick, anything. I wanted to feel him, to know once and for all he was mine, to have him claim me like he should have done so long ago.
My fingers in his hair, my tongue in his throat, cock rubbing against his, none of these things seemed to be encouraging a much more intimate contact. So I stuck one finger in the corner of my mouth, let his tongue lather it even if he didn't understand why at that particular moment. Then I reached around, used one leg to part his thighs and pushed that finger deep inside him.
He *howled*. Threw his head back and made like a wolf. It was the most glorious, most incredibly erotic, *male* sound I'd ever heard. Suddenly he was rising up on all fours and I was moving with him, sliding out from under him, not letting him dislodge my finger inside him.
When I was on my knees next to him I started to fuck him, drawing that finger in and out, quickly and none-too gently. He took it, once, twice, three times, making this low noise in his throat, saying my name like I was a god. Then he surprised me yet again by sitting back, trapping my hand between his ass and the mattress, my finger as deep as it would go.
I could feel his slick heat all around me and as he spoke the word it was all I wanted.
He'd turned his head, his eyes pinning me as surely as his body had been doing thirty seconds earlier. I nodded and he rose up. I didn't have any lube - I wasn't prepared for this. All I could think to do was let him go for long enough to suck the rest of my fingers then knit three of them together and press their commingled tips against the tight muscle. He sank down slowly and I wriggled them inside him but I wouldn't, couldn't go all the way and I knew it was hurting him.
"Danny?" With my free hand I stroked his cheek, once again turning his face to meet mine. I kissed him, hand moving to his shoulder, holding him in place. The old nickname had slipped out. He wasn't a 'Danny' any more. But like this he seemed as vulnerable to me as he'd ever been. "Lie back."
I withdrew all but one of my fingers and watched him as he moved gingerly, unfolding his legs from under him, closing his eyes as the change in angle pressed my fingertip against his prostate. The moment I was able, I had his dick in my mouth.
Again, not the first guy I'd sucked on but the first one I'd gone down on willingly and the first one to be given my full and undivided attention. Even after his Alpha-Male display of sexual confidence, Daniel's fingers in my hair, caressing my scalp, were incredibly gentle. He wasn't going to force me onto him or in any way try to fuck my mouth despite it being what I was obviously asking of him. And he must have desperately wanted to. I hollowed my cheeks - a trick I learnt when I'd wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible - and made my finger in his ass a counterpoint to the sucking.
I just wanted to hear more of the wonderful sounds Daniel was making.
Only when I knew he was fast approaching orgasm, only when I was sure his body had remembered how to reach its climax, did I lift my head and pull my finger from him. Daniel scrabbled for some words - any words - to stop me from leaving him like that and I smiled when I felt his hands tighten on my head just for a moment.
Moving my mouth to his, I told him, "I'm not leaving you" just before I kissed him. He sucked on my tongue like a man starved of this and I knew he had been. Had we had this he might never have left me, had we had this he might never have jumped through that fucking window.
Harshly shoving the bleak thoughts aside I knelt astride him and before he realised what I was doing he was sheathed inside me.
He was nervous about touching my ass with his fingers so having his dick buried deep wasn't something he'd been expecting. The expression on his face was one I'll treasure until my dying day. This soft, incredulous smile, eyes wide like he was trying to memorise every nuance of me like this. And then he came, pulsing inside me, wave after wave of slick, hot pleasure.
He was almost apologetic but I carefully bent to share another kiss and to tell him there will be many other opportunities for him to fuck my brains out for as long as he wanted. His sated grin told me it was an offer he'd accept given a couple of hours to recover and I lifted off him carefully.
As I sat back, he pulled his legs from under me and spread them, bending his knees at the same time reaching for me.
I had no idea if he knew what he was doing. I'd never had a man inside me before but I'd known that. I didn't know if he'd been with a guy before and I doubted he knew any better. But he was trusting me not to hurt him, not when I made love to him and not afterwards.
Moving forward on all fours I hovered over his face, touching my lips to his nose and chin before settling over his mouth. I worshipped his tongue, suckling on it, making it as welcome in my mouth as I was in his. His hands on my ass were definitely making sure I knew what he wanted, as if his previous signals had been anything less than crystal clear. His fingers moved just inside me then slick with his own semen he stroked them over my aching dick.
The gesture was about as intimate as I'd ever known. Whether he'd done this before or not he knew what he wanted. I let him guide me, let him angle the penetration. As soon as I'd breached him I waited, watched his neck arch and his head dig into the mattress. I knew the pain he was feeling, he'd inflicted it on me and now he knew. He glanced at me once, apology and understanding shining in his eyes. And then he started moving, rising to meet my gentle thrusts until I rose up on my arms and increased the pace, taking him hard.
His hands gripped my straining arms, fingers pressed deep into my muscles. His powerful legs wrapped tight around my waist until by the end I was slamming into him, screaming when I fell over the sharp edge I'd been dancing around. I collapsed onto him and he held me, arms enfolding me as he held me inside him for as long as he could.
Sweaty, breathless and utterly sated we just lay there like that for a long time, both of us dozing. But in the end we were unbearably hot.
I loped off to the bathroom first and he followed my lead as I threw open the windows and closed the curtains. We'd pushed the duvet to the floor at some point and I rescued it, dragging it to my waist as I lay on my back and waited for him to come back.
A small part of me worried about awkwardness but Daniel snuggled into bed with me as naturally as he had done back at the base. He wrapped one arm around my waist and one leg over mind, pushing his thigh between my two until he was comfortable, my shoulder as his pillow.
We should have been exhausted enough to sleep but I had the most gorgeous guy in the universe in my arms - in my life - and I don't usually get that lucky.
He was completely still, but I knew he wasn't asleep. Too much on his mind, I supposed, too much he didn't know. Maybe he was scared to sleep. What might his dreams tell him?
Stroking one hand over his hair I couldn't help myself; I rested my cheek on his head. "Umm?"
"How long have we been lovers?"
My heart stopped for a moment. The question seared into my brain like a white hot flash of realisation and I almost panicked. The entire night flashed before my eyes and I suddenly saw what had really happened. Daniel had trusted me. What choice did he have? When I'd gone to his bed and put my arms around him, he'd made an assumption. And instead of hurting me by denying me, he'd assumed if I was in bed with him I had a right to be there.
Oh. My. God.
What had I done?
"Jack?" He lifted his head and looked at me, mouth set into a frown. "What's wrong?"
"Daniel...." How the hell did I tell him? I'd taken everything I'd wanted from him and not once had I thought to ask him if he knew what he was doing. But even as I tried to work out how to put it, his eyes widened.
"Oh, let me guess. About two hours?"
I nodded once, terrified of him pulling away from me, brain working overtime trying to come up with some explanation that didn't end in 'I'm a complete bastard.'
"I'm sorry, Daniel.... I shouldn't have kissed you back."
His voice was level, quiet and more curious than angry when he asked, "So why did you?"
"Because I wanted to. I've... missed you. Before... I was an idiot. You were so young when we first met, so innocent. I saw you as... a kind of substitute for Charlie - my son."
"He died." Not a question, a statement. He remembered that.
"Yeah. But after a couple of years you didn't need me to protect you, if you ever did. You needed me to love you and I couldn't. I couldn't risk getting close to you then losing you. I knew how much it would hurt if anything happened to you. I couldn't take that kind of grief again so I pushed you away. Then you died and.... And I realised that it hurt just as much because I did love you."
He stared at me for a couple of long seconds. "What we did...?"
"When we were on Abydos I started to see you differently. Ironically, I saw the man you'd become. I don't think I knew how attracted to you I was until you kissed me tonight but...." I couldn't continue, I didn't know what I was trying to say. "You know, you did kiss me." Just like me to go on the offensive when cornered.
But it was a corner he'd backed me into and he stayed with me, smiling. "Yeah."
"Why did you do that?"
"When you found me I felt something. I thought... I asked Sam if she and I had ever been more than friends. I thought it was her. But tonight I realised it wasn't. I realised it was you. I think I loved you."
Understanding dawned. "Loved?"
Daniel kissed me then settled his head back onto my shoulder. "Sorry. Love you. I know I love you."