LETTER OF THE WEEK - Feb
2nd
Dear
Kate
I'm in love with my boss. I know you must
get these letters all
the
time but there's a twist in my tale. My boss
is an older
man. Still
sounding familiar? I'm a guy too.
We don't work in an office. Our jobs mean
that we spend
practically
every waking hour together, including late nights,
early mornings and
weekends. He has a family but he sees me
more than he sees them.
You're going to think it's just a crush and you're
probably
right. The
problem is I know he cares for me and even though
it would be dangerous
for us, I'd take anything he offered. I
don't intend to sleep my
way
to the top, I never intended that.
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We work in an outdated and homophobic environment
where it would
probably be okay if one of us was a woman.
As it is, both our
careers
would grind to a halt. He'd probably be
disciplined and forced to
quietly retire. I'd be working behind a desk
for the rest of my
natural life.
Given all that, I've told myself not to be so
stupid. He doesn't
feel
the same way and nothing's ever going to
happen. But every time
he
smiles at me, my resolve just crumbles and I end
up wanting him more
than before.
Help!
'G' |
Dear
'G',
My only advice is to follow your own advice.
You already know
what the right thing to do is, you just need the
courage to do it.
This man is never going to leave his family.
He has them and his
career and he isn't going to throw that all away
for you, no matter how
much you want him to.
You deserve more than a few scant hours between
the job and his
marriage. Never think that there isn't a
wonderful man out there
with your name on him! You just need to stop
hankering after your
boss and get out to look for Mr Right.
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Take
temptation out of your way as much as
possible. You may have
to work late and at weekends but you have to
remember that there's a
whole world of potential around you and you need
to make the time to
stop and take a look at it. It's an old
adage - work to live,
don't live to work. In this case, don't live
for a man who's
never going to live for you.
Yours, Kate
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LETTER OF THE WEEK - Feb
9th
Dear
Kate
I never imagined I would write to an 'Agony
Column' but recent events
have made me think there might be something in
this. I've never
actually read your magazine but it was brought to
my attention by a
friend.
I'm an older man attracted to a younger man who
works for me.
It's not just a physical attraction - although
he's certainly not hard
on the eyes - but I've found myself starting to
care for him more than
I should under the circumstances.
I have to admit to you that I'm married with a
beautiful
daughter. Even if I wasn't, the outdated
mode under which we both
work would never allow such a relationship.
My career would
almost certainly be over and his would slow from
fast-track progression
to no hope of promotion in this millennia.
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All
this is, of course, beside the point as he is most
definitely
straight, something he takes great pains to point
out at every possible
opportunity.
Even if he wasn't, I'm not about to leave my wife
and he deserves more
than I can possibly offer him.
Still, that doesn't help me when I'm basking in
his smile and drowning
in his eyes, now does it?
Yours in frank desperation,
T
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Dear
T
It sounds to me as you truly care for this man and
so I know you'll do
the right thing.
Could this be a case of 'methinks he doth protest
too much'?
Perhaps if the environment in which you both work
is as outdated as you
say then this is simply his way of protecting
himself? Even if
that is so, as his boss you are bound by workplace
ethics. But it
doesn't sound as if you need them to prevent
yourself from doing what
you obviously know to be wrong.
We all want things we can't have, throughout our
lives. He is one
of those things and one best left as a private
fantasy. If you
have a good working relationship with him, then
you should ask yourself
if a brief affair is worth the probability that
you would destroy it
that relationship? |
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The
argument
becomes stronger if you and this
man are friends.
I fall victim to a genuine smile as much as any
woman or man. But
pick a good reason not to start anything with this
man and hang onto
that like a lifeline whenever you feel like
drowning.
Yours, Kate
P.S. Having said all that, I feel compelled
to refer you to last
week's 'Letter of the Week' from 'G'.
Perhaps there really are no
coincidences...?
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