| He didn't sleep. There were no more noises but he knew. He knew they were up there together and it was tearing at him. Hadn't he always known this would happen? That this night would come and Manny would leave him, destroy them, not for another bookshop but for another woman. Another woman? The problem of course was that they didn't have a relationship, not one that could actually be called anything pleasant. And so there was no "them" to actually destroy. They couldn't break up because they weren't together. And now Rowena was up there with his Manny. So, he waited. He planned and he schemed and by eight am he had it down to a single, cutting, line. Rowena came downstairs wearing Manny's dressing gown. Maybe if she hadn't. Maybe if she'd just left. Maybe then he would have let it all go. But she was wearing his white towelling robe. It was Manny's. He was used to seeing Manny in it. Not some airhead tart. "Morning," she sung happily. Bernard looked up from his chair and delivered the one line that he knew would make her go away. "Did you have fun with my boyfriend?" ~ "What did you say to Rowena?" Bernard looked up from his book, determined not to feel guilty. It had been exactly one hour since Manny had gone running out of the shop after his presumably now ex-girlfriend. He tried his best not to smile. "Nothing." "You told her," Manny took a deep breath, "that I was your boyfriend." "If you knew, why did you ask?" Manny gripped the edge of the desk, fury flashing in his eyes. Bernard wasn't sure he'd ever see him really mad before. Not like this. He'd shouted a lot in the past, especially after the toasted hand incident. But more in agony than in anger. "Why did you tell her that?" Bernard looked away. "Why? What is it with you? You don't let me have friends -" "She wasn't just a friend, was she?" "I don't know! I never got chance to find out and now I won't because she's convinced she was just an experiment to make sure I really am gay!" "She wasn't good enough for you." "Who cares?!" Manny threw his hands in the air in defeat. "It was sex, Bernard! I just wanted sex! Someone to... touch, someone to be close to, just for a while. Who cares if she isn't a member of MENSA or doesn't have a degree or that she works as a secretary? I don't! She's a woman! That's enough at the moment!" Bernard was scowling. "Why does it have to be a woman?" Manny stared. The question threw him for a second or two. He didn't have an answer. The truth was, it didn't have to be. But he couldn't let Bernard know that. He couldn't imagine what would happen if he brought another man back to the house for sex. Or maybe he could and that was why he'd never done it. Oddly it felt wrong, as if he'd be bringing a direct rival into Bernard's home, flaunting it. Maybe he thought it might be threatening for Bernard but he had no idea why he thought that. He considered the words 'direct rival'. Why? What was this... this thing between them anyway?! "Well?" Manny deflated. "I'll put the kettle on." He got half way around the desk when Bernard said, very quietly, "I don't think this is going to work out." "What?" "This. Us. You living here." "What?" "I think you should leave." Eyes widening, Manny shook his head. "No! Why?" "Because. I don't want another night like last night." "What?" He knew somehow that Bernard wasn't going to repeat it. "What about you? You can't look after yourself!" "I'll manage." "Well... what about me? I don't... I haven't got anywhere to go." "Find somewhere." "But..." he crouched down at the end of the desk, hearing the door open and close, keeping his voice down. "Is this about Rowena? What is it, Bernard? Why did I upset you? You were the one who told me to offer her something, you're the reason she stayed...." "Shut up! Just get out...." "Hey!" Fran dropped into her usual seat and leaned forward, looking at one then the other. "What's going on?" Not that she really had to ask. Manny didn't take his eyes from Bernard's face. "Nothing." "I've asked Manny to leave." She lit a cigarette and pushed the end between Bernard's lips after taking a drag herself. "No, you haven't." "I have!" The cigarette bounced twice. "You haven't. Remember the last time Manny wasn't around? It was only a couple of months ago and you almost killed yourself eating slug pellets." "It wasn't that bad." She smiled sweetly, talking as if she were addressing a naughty child. "We had to take you to hospital. They had to pump out the contents of your stomach. You cried all the way home in the taxi. Manny put you to bed and stayed with you until you were better. Do you remember?" Bernard closed his eyes. They weren't good memories. "Yes," he said in a small voice. "Now take it back." He muttered something to the desk but she kicked him in the shins and he said it again, slightly louder but still to the desk. "You don't have to move out." Manny took another deep breath, nodded and stood, carrying on into the kitchen to make the tea. "What is it this time?" Fran asked Bernard as Manny put three mugs and a plate of biscuits on the desk. "What's what?" "You two row on a daily basis but it usually takes something more than the usual for you to chuck him out of the house." Bernard shook his head. "Nothing special." Manny shot him a harsh stare, eyes narrowing but said nothing. "So where's Rowena?" She caught Manny's expression change and smiled to herself. "Ah, so that's it. What a surprise. What happened?" When no explanation was forthcoming from Bernard, she settled her attention on Manny. "What did he do?" Bernard's head snapped up. "Why do you always assume I did something?" "Because you always do! Manny?" "He told her he was my boyfriend and she left." Fran struggled to keep the smile from her face and the amusement from her voice. "Did you speak to her?" "Yes. She thinks I'm in denial about my sexuality and that I used her to prove to myself that I wasn't gay. But she was most upset that I'd done it with Bernard in the house. She told me I was a bastard for hurting his feelings like that and that I should have more respect for him. She also said it was obvious Bernard does love me and I should stop denying myself and enjoy what I am." Fran couldn't help but grin at him. "That is so sweet." "Rubbish!" Amazing how both men could be in such complete unison when it came to disagreeing with her. Pushing her chair back, she stood up and leaned on the desk, towering over them both. "Listen. He does and you should. You're both sitting here like miserable, lonely old... gits denying what's right in front of you!" With a perfect turn on her high heels, she walked out of the shop. Silence followed. For around an hour. Finally, Bernard asked, "What did she mean?" "I don't know." "She wasn't implying, was she, that we should...? I mean, you and I...?" "No. Of course not. That's preposterous." "It is! How could I... I love someone like you? You're the curse of my life, the bane of my existence." "And you... you're snippy and snappy and you yell at me and injure me all the time." "You're all... hairy." "You're all... smelly. You're unclean." "I could never have feelings for you. I wasn't jealous of Rowena. I just didn't like her." "And I could never think about you like that, about... about touching you, your filthy... mucky body." "Who said I would want you touching me? With your... your monkeys hands?" "You disgust me!" "And you're thoroughly revolting! Get out of my sight! NOW!" ~ Bernard found him later, cleaning the kitchen. He'd been thinking and although he hadn't managed to get much order to his thoughts, he'd come to a couple of conclusions. "Manny, I'm sorry." "Me too." Dropping the scouring pad, Manny sighed softly. "I do love you, you know, you silly fool." Bernard tried to ignore the warmth that settled inside him upon hearing those words. "I know," he acknowledged softly as he sat down at the kitchen table. "I just... I don't know what to do with that." Manny joined him. "I'm sure we could... work something out together. Couldn't we?" Gazing up at him, Bernard nodded slowly. "We've worked things out together before," he suggested, "like that children's book we wrote." "Yes. It must have been good or else we wouldn't have burnt it." "No." He was still so unsure. But Manny's hand covered his on the table and squeezed gently. It made everything easier somehow. "You'll stay with me?" Manny smiled, venturing his other hand to Bernard's arm, rubbing up and down it carefully. "If you want me to." "I think I do." Slowly, he pushed his fingers between Manny's, holding tight. "I didn't mean it about you not touching me. I think... I'd like that." "And I wasn't serious about you being... dirty." A crooked smile touched Bernard's lips. "Oh, I can be really filthy." Eyes wide, Manny swallowed once. "Yeah? Want to... go upstairs and be... filthy together?" "Why not?" Standing, still holding Manny's hand, Bernard leaned into the shop. One old lady and a mother with two kids. "Everybody, out, now. Shoo." But he didn't bother to wait to see if they went and didn't bother to lock the door. After all, Fran would be back soon to see the results of her endeavours. Bernard smiled to himself. Better make this really loud.... |