| "They're looking at me. They're eyeing
up my beard." "They think it's one of them. They're looking at us both, sizing us up." "Maybe they're waiting for reinforcements." "We should have fed them to the sofa that ate people." "It didn't eat people." "It did! I saw it! It ate a little girl and her Dad and it tried to eat me!" "Tried? Did it spit you back out?" "I'll have you know I'm very tasty." "You're pickled, Bernard. You're like one giant picked egg. You'd make a great snack. I can't understand why it wouldn't want to eat you." "Sarcasm isn't going to help." "Nothing's going to help!" "This is your fault!" "Why is it my fault?" "You steamed the queen to death in the Espresso machine." "I had to do something! They were taking over the shop. First Black Books, then Bloomsbury, then the world!" "Will you shut up and do something constructive?" "Like what? I thought killing the queen would do it. It does on all the films. Kill the queen and the followers die." "Why would they?" "What?" "Why would all the little ones die if you killed the queen? It doesn't make sense." "It's supposed to." "It doesn't!" "I don't know what else to do." "Think of something." "Like what?" "Fire! Animals hate fire. We could burn the books." "The whole place would go up!" "But we'd be free!" "We'd be toast." "Not if we made a run for it at the last moment." "Do you have insurance?" "Err - no." "Maybe we could... hang on, they're getting bored! They're going away." "Yes! Get lost, you bug-eyed, fur-balls! Haha! We win! Freedom!" "Freedom meaning you in the chair, me to the kitchen?" "Of course. The natural order of things." "Hey! Come back! Eat Bernard, he's pickled." |