| They developed a routine of sorts. If
Valentine wasn�t coming home at night, he�d send a text that
read, �safe. Vx� or on occasion, �safe. lv u.� That he used the first syllable of his given name probably meant something, but Backstrom didn�t really give it much thought. Not until the moment he looked up from a stack of paperwork, that was boring the balls off him, to see Blue in the doorway of his office. His heart sank. �What�s dragged you into the city?� Blue was standing with his thumbs hooked in his belt loops, regarding Backstrom in the same way he might a dying animal, the same way he�d always looked at him. Although there was something in it that was different; a curiosity that wasn�t usually present. �Are you and Amy back together?� Backstrom rolled his eyes. In the last six weeks, everyone had asked him the same question at one time or another. �Don�t you start. Why do I have to be seeing someone to want to make a few changes in my life?� Moto certainly hadn�t twigged, Amy neither. Almond� he wasn�t sure about. Gravely had laughed almost breathlessly, and told him, �You are batting way above your average,� which he�d taken as an insult and hadn�t spoken to Valentine for twenty-four hours until he�d got over himself. �It�s a shame. You were good together.� He�d heard it before. �Why are you here?� �I want to see my son.� Frustration at being played yet again, Backstrom ground out, �You�re looking right at him, Dad.� �Not you! My other son. Gregory, I think he said his name was.� He immediately went on the defensive. �It�s not. And you�re not.� �I thought he said-� �It�s Valentine.� �What?� �His name. It�s Valentine.� Blue made a face. �You�re serious?� Backstrom had always liked Val�s name, that�s why he�d always refused to call him Gregory until he�d stopped trying to insist. Now, though, he loved the shape of it, the taste of it. Others called him Gregory. Tricks he brought home could often be heard yelling, �Greg!� at all hours. Niedermayer called him Valentine. Backstrom had never given that much thought either. �You�re not seeing him.� �If he really is my son, I have the right-� Backstrom was out of his chair in a heartbeat. �You have no rights when it comes to him, none at all. Lou didn�t tell you about him because she didn�t want you in his life. She only told us because I didn�t give her a choice, and Val only told you because he was defending me.� �So finally someone told me I had another boy! I want to see him. Beat some sense into him.� Backstrom stepped out from behind his desk and closed up on his Dad. �You�re not seeing him. That�s the end of it. If you go near him, if you lay a finger on him, I will shoot you.� Blue laughed, that bitter sound Backstrom knew well, and looked at him, lips curled in disgust. �What is it with you two? Did you finally find a member of our family who actually likes you?� �He is not your family.� �Come on, Everett. Why don�t you let him decide?� �Why? Was his last tirade not clear enough for you?� �Like you said, he was defending you. And I was kidding about the beating. I just thought it would be nice if we could go for a beer, sit and talk.� Taking a deep and calming breath, Backstrom shook his head. �Seriously? You want to go for a beer with Val? You and he, catching up on the last twenty seven years, sitting in a gay bar while he has half an eye on you and half an eye on his next trick?� He enjoyed the discomfort that flashed across Blue�s wrinkled features.�You did get that he�s gay, right? You did notice that? Because he can be quite shy about letting people know. Oh, wait. No, that�s Niedermayer. Val is particularly out and proud.� Blue leered at him. �And you love that, don�t you?� �I love him for who he is, for being who his is.� Blue stared at him with faint amusement in his eyes. �Go home. Leave us alone.� ~ Blue was never one to do what people told him to. Which was why, six hours later, Backstrom received a phone call when he was a foot from the barge door. He pulled out his cell and saw �Valentine� on the screen. Relieved that he wasn�t being called back into work, he pulled open the heavy door and heard the call in stereo. �Hey. I�ve think I�ve killed our Dad.� He looked across, and what he saw down below made him more angry than he had been in a very long time. Val was standing with his back against the kitchen cabinets, arms by his sides. In his right hand he was holding a knife, just a piece of stainless steel cutlery, something he�d grabbed in a hurry from the draining board behind him, because he�d been under threat, and his very well honed defences had kicked in. Blue was on his knees on the floor in front of him, hands clutching his stomach, blood on his fingers. Hurrying down the steps, Backstrom bellowed, �What the hell did you do?!� �I�m sorry, I�m so sorry�.� Val sounded destroyed, voice cracking, panic seeping in around the edges. �I wasn�t yelling at you.� Standing in front of Val, Backstrom closed his hands around the fingers holding the knife, and eased it into his own. �Call for an ambulance.� �Is he� is he going to die?� �No. Unfortunately. Remind me to teach you how to shoot, and to buy you a gun.� He let his fingers linger on Val�s hand, stroking his wrist, the touch blocked from Blue�s view. Holding the dark gaze for a second or two, he nodded once. Checking he wasn�t going to panic. Finally, Val let go of the knife, let him take it, turned around to wash his hands of Blue�s blood. �He stabbed me!� Backstrom turned and crouched down in front of Blue, noticing the coiled belt lying on the floor next to him, with its wicked silver buckle exposed. �Kid� needs to be taught some manners.� �Kid?� Backstrom put his hand on Blue�s shoulder, pushing slightly, the movement pulling on the open wound. Blue groaned in pain between clenched teeth. �By kid, I take it you mean this man here, who�s survived more shit than even you could imagine? And you threaten him with your fucking belt like he�s a child?� �No son of mine�.� �Stop talking, or I�ll finish the job.� �I�m going to� to bury him.� �No, you�re not. You attacked him, he defended himself. That�s the story he�ll tell, the story I�ll tell, because it�s what I saw when I came home. And everyone will believe it because they know you and they know him.� �I�m in pain here,� Blue moaned, and Backstrom resisted the urge to kick him. �Good.� ~ �We have to all stop meeting here,� Backstrom muttered when his team walked in through the double doors and met he and Val in the waiting room. Niedermayer headed for Valentine, hand dropping to his shoulder, looking in his eyes and checking he was okay. With a roll of his eyes, Backstrom explained to Gravely and Almond the story they would all be sticking to, and Almond pulled him aside. �If that�s the story we�re sticking to, what�s the actual story?� �Don�t be so suspicious. That�s what happened.� �I told you, Sir, Valentine needs to take responsibility-� �Stop. This isn�t one of those situations. Blue came to see me earlier, joked he wanted to beat some sense into Valentine, since he�s his son. I warned him to stay away but when did Blue ever pay any attention to me? When I got to the barge, Blue was going for Val with his belt wrapped around his wrist, and Val was defending himself. Nothing more sinister than that.� Almond nodded slowly. �Okay.� �You don�t believe me?� The detective pursed his lips in thought. �I know you won�t let Valentine go to jail. Even when you had Niedermayer arrest him that time, he didn�t get any further than an interrogation room at the SCU. He could murder someone and you�d throw your career away to stop him from going down for it.� �He�s my brother.� �You say that like it�s the one and only truth in your life. But I don�t think that�s all there is to it. And if I think that, others will too.� Backstrom stared at him, unsettled by his tone, unnerved by his words even though he didn�t want to be. �You�re a detective, Almond, I�d hope you�re more observant than most.� They were interrupted by a doctor asking for, �Blue Backstrom�s next of kin?� Backstrom stepped forward at the same time as Valentine. �Us. Tell me the old bastard�s going to die.� The doctor smiled. �He�s going to be fine.� �Damn it.� Val nudged his shoulder. �Stop.� The doctor went on, �The knife missed all vital organs, nicked his intestine which caused some internal bleeding but nothing too serious. We�ll keep him in for a couple of days just to monitor his vitals.� �Fine. Make sure his bed pans are cold.� At his side, Valentine chuckled, but Backstrom couldn�t shake Almond�s words. ~ He watched Valentine bounce down the metal steps and almost changed his mind. He�d never meant it to get in so deep. Val paused on the bottom step, knowing Backstrom�s various moods, reading him like a book. �Oh, God. What now?� He couldn�t do anything but come out and say it. �We can�t do this anymore.� He willed his voice not to give out on him. �What?� �You�re young and you�re� gorgeous. One day you�re going to fall in love with someone the way I�ve fallen for you and I don�t want to be left behind when you do.� Val took the final step and dropped his bag to the floor, crossing the barge to sit on the footstool opposite Backstrom. He swallowed, clearly trying to stay calm. �Is this because I stabbed Blue?� �No! God, no. I�m proud of you for stabbing him. I wish I�d done it years ago.� �Then what? Why now? It�s been months.� He nodded. �I know, and I shouldn�t have let it go on for so long.� �Do I get any say in this?� �Val� please.� He was determined not to let his resolve break. �Think about it. We could never really be together. Think about Lou finding out.� �I don�t care. Since when have I ever cared what Lou thinks?� �We�re brothers!� �Half-brothers! And that hasn�t stopped you up to now. What�s this really about? Is it Amy? Does she want you back?� �What? No.� Which was possibly a lie. �I just don�t want to grow old alone. I should be out there, finding someone my own age to share my twilight years with.� �For God�s sake! You�re forty seven!� �Twenty years older than you, old enough to be your father. We�re lucky I�m not. Please, Val, I love you, more than I�ve ever loved anyone. I don�t want to push this to the point where we can�t go back, I don�t want to lose you.� He watched Valentine swipe at the tears in his eyes. �I�m sorry.� �So that�s it? We just pretend this never happened?� �No. I won�t ever deny it happened, and I won�t ever forget believe me. You�re the best thing that ever happened to me, but I need to stop before we�re unable to salvage the rest of our relationship.� �Okay.� Valentine got to his feet, tears in his eyes, and walked to his room. Every fibre of Everett�s being wanted to hold Val but he was the cause of this; he�d done the one thing he�d sworn he would never do. Hurt his brother. �Val� I am sorry.� Valentine shook his head and slammed the door of his room behind him. It echoed around the barge. Backstrom couldn�t stay. Grabbing his coat, he almost ran up the metal steps, calling a cab on his way out. ~ �Whisky,� he demanded, sitting alone in the empty bar. The barman poured a double, put it in front of him, and Backstrom stared at it. He�d made it six months without a drink. Doctor Deb was proud of him, he was proud of himself. Valentine was the reason for it, the cause of it. He could feel the tears welling in his eyes and hated himself for ever letting Val start what had quickly become the best thing in his life. He�d never considered himself bi-sexual, but the fact Val was a guy had never been an issue for him. Valentine was the person he�d fallen in love with. That�s what was important. It didn�t matter that he had a dick and didn�t have tits. It had simply been a surprise, a real eye-opener for him, a new introspective into his own sexuality. He wrapped three fingers and his thumb around the glass. They couldn�t have gone on, it couldn�t go anywhere and while he would have been happy, ecstatic, to spend the rest of his life with Valentine, that wasn�t going to happen. Val would tire of him, he would have ended it eventually, he had to see that. Backstrom lifted the glass. And a strong hand slammed it back down on to the bar. �Don�t, Sir.� He looked up and sighed with frustration at seeing Niedermayer standing there. �Why are you here?� �Valentine called me.� He pulled out the next stool and sat down, stealing the whisky and knocking it back in one swallow. �So why aren�t you over at the barge with him?� �He called me for you. He was worried you�d do this exact thing.� Niedermayer ordered ginger beer for both of them and made the barman promise he wouldn�t serve alcohol to either of them. �What have you done, Sir?� �I�ve done the right thing, for once in my life.� �And that should be applauded. Except that I think you�ve chosen the wrong time to do the right thing.� �Val�s my brother! And he�s twenty years younger than me.� �But neither of those things stopped you from having sex with him, or from falling in love with him. So, in reality, you�ve dumped him because you think he�s going to leave you.� �I haven�t dumped him, and he will leave me.� �Everyone leaves eventually.� �It�s Valentine.� He didn�t know how to make his point. �You know what he�s like. He�ll get over it in one night. He�ll go out and find someone to feel sorry for himself with. We lived together for eight years before he jumped me, we can go back to being friends.� �You mean, police lieutenant and police informant?� He shook his head. �You�ve always been more than that to one another.� Backstrom picked up his non-alcoholic drink and glared at it. �You�re saying I should carry on banging my little brother?� �Half-brother. And why not? You�re in love with him. He�s in love with you. There�s nothing wrong with that.� �Except that it�s illegal. And I�m not gay.� �I think the term for you may be bi-sexual. But it doesn�t matter, it�s just a label and it isn�t important. Technically, engaging in sexual activities with your half-sibling is illegal, but no one is ever going to charge you with incest. So tell me what brought on this attack of maturity?� He sighed. �Almond. He hinted that he knew, and so did everyone else. Besides, why is it that am I finally doing what�s right and you�re having a go at me?� Niedermayer ignored the question. �Why do you suddenly care what people think? Sir, I never imagined I�d ever say this to you, but I think you need to start being selfish again, return to not caring about the opinions of others. Do you remember Sampson�s party? You walked into that room like James Bond with Q on his arm. Everyone who didn�t know otherwise thought you and Valentine were a couple, and you didn�t give a shit.� �Don�t swear, it doesn�t suit you.� �Valentine loves you. I think you should take your own advice and trust him.� Backstrom reached for his drink, but the only thing to do with a bottle of ginger beer in a bar was to pick the label off it. If Blue could have seen him now, he�d have laughed his ass off, had his ass not been laid up in a hospital bed recovering from a minor stab wound inflicted by his own child. �You�re both upset. That tells me neither of you needs to be. You can fix this.� �I was fixing it�.� �You were both happy. There was nothing to fix before tonight. You�ve broken something I told you was good for you both. I care about Valentine, I care about you, and I care about the rest of our team.� Backstrom glanced up. �You unhappy is going to be hell on is all. You don�t want to be unhappy. Go back to the barge and apologise. Give him a chance.� �He doesn�t need me. He still goes out, he still brings men home. He isn�t going to stop.� �Maybe he�s waiting for you to ask him to stop.� �I can�t ask a twenty-seven year old gay guy not to go out and screw other guys! He�s a horny bastard and I can�t keep up!� �Then at least tell him why you really think you�d be better off not sharing a bed. Give him a chance to respond, and listen to him. He may be a twenty-seven year old gay guy, but he�s smarter than most twenty-somethings. Even if he doesn�t always act that way. You said it yourself, it�s easy to underestimate him.� �When did I say that?� �You always say that.� Backstrom pushed the bottle away. �If you don�t go to the barge, Sir, then with all due respect, I will.� He held up his hands. �Okay, okay. But I don�t know if he�s going to forgive me.� �Luckily, he�s a better man than you sometimes give him credit for.� ~ �Valentine?� Backstrom closed the door of the barge and took the steps down slowly. He could only hope it wasn�t too late. There was silence for a couple of seconds, then Val stepped out of his room. It was obvious he�d been crying. He looked miserable and angry but his voice was steady. �Tell me Peter found you before you had a drink.� �He did. He drank my whisky and bought me a ginger beer. In a bar. That�s on you.� Val didn�t have to remind him that he�d brought it on himself. �He made sense for once. Don�t tell him I said that.� �What did he say?� �That I�m an idiot. That it�s about time I stopped caring about what other people think and started being selfish for once.� He tried a small smile and Valentine mirrored it. The relief flooded through him. �I�m sorry.� �Don�t waste time apologising. Get down here.� Valentine made a grab for Backstrom�s jacket and he almost fell down the last couple of steps. Their mouths met and Everett�s hands reached for Valentine like they were made to touch him. He�d missed this, and it had been less than two hours. How he�d ever believed he could live without this, he had no idea. Suddenly the idea of never having it again propelled his body forward, and they collided, Val stumbling back, his mouth never leaving Backstrom�s, even when their hands scrabbled to get to skin. The sex was wild. Clothes strewn all over the barge wild, chairs knocked over and things broken wild. Everett slammed them both up against the hull and wrapped one large hand around their dicks, sliding them together, hard and tight. They kissed, messy and unhinged, a battle of lips and tongues, and they came practically at the same time, fast and hard, panting for breath, clinging to one another to stay upright. They ended up sliding to the floor in front of the couch, tangled together, Val�s leg over Everett�s lap. �You need to tell me what happened tonight,� Val told him. �Before the sex, I mean.� Backstrom chuckled. Very few people in the world, he realised, made him chuckle. �I think I might be falling in love with you.� �And that�s a bad thing?� �I feel like a pedophile sleeping with you.� �Please.� �Okay. Maybe not that bad. Definitely a cradle-snatcher.� �You should be proud of yourself. Not many men your age could pull someone like me without substantially fatter wallets.� Backstrom reached for Val�s hand, threaded their fingers. �You know I love you, right?� �I know.� �No. You think you know, but you can�t imagine how I feel about you. When we make love, it�s with all of myself. I�ve never done that with anyone else, ever. I don�t do that. You�re the only man in the world who�s seen me.� Backstrom put his arm up on the couch, resting his chin in the palm of his hand. �I�m scared of being alone.� Valentine tightened his fingers. �I can�t make any promises.� �I�m not asking you to. And I want you to start bringing your one night stands back to the barge again. You haven't done for weeks.' 'I was being thoughtful. You don't need to hear that ' 'I appreciate the thought, but this is your home. It's where you�re safe, despite Blue's attempt at making it otherwise. If you'd rather bring a guy back here then go to his place then do. I won't peek. I might listen, I might even jerk off. But I promise you, no weird stuff.' Val laughed. �You have to promise not to pull a stunt like this evening again. Talk to me. We are capable of mature conversation now and again.' 'I got scared.� �You should have told me, rather than all the melodrama.� Backstrom nodded. �I promise.� �How can I help you to not be scared?� That was one of the things he had thought about since leaving the bar. �One of your tranny friends told us once that there�s a difference between physical fidelity and emotional fidelity. I want you to feel free to go out and do what you do, because if I was the only guy you were screwing I�d be dead in a month. Not that it wouldn�t be a fantastic way to go�.� Valentine answered the question he hadn�t asked. �You have my emotional fidelity. We just need to try to communicate better than we have done in the past.� Backstrom nodded, leaned forward and rested his forehead against Val�s for a second or two. 'I'm too old to be sitting on the floor,' he complained, using his arm to lever himself up on the couch. Val followed him, climbing into his lap. �So� did Peter volunteer to come over and comfort me?� 'No. He comforted me, which must mean he prefers me to you.' 'In your wildest fantasies. He did it for me.' 'He did it for himself. He knew what kind of hell it would be working for me if he didn't fix things.� Val leaned down and kissed the tip of his nose. Backstrom had to wipe it with his fingers. 'Ugh.' 'Do our noses really look alike?' 'That's what Niedermayer said.� �He thought I was your son. No wonder he told me he was straight.� �Hey! Mine�s a good bloodline.� Val slid from his lap to snuggle into his side, thigh across Backstrom�s lap. �I�m very glad you�re not my father, even if that means Blue is.� �I wish you had an old man who loved you just for being his off-spring.� �Right at this moment, I wouldn�t change a single thing in my fucked up life.� Grabbing a blanket from the back of the couch, Backstrom pulled it down across Valentine�s shoulders and his own legs. He rested his cheek on Val�s head and closed his eyes. �I love you, Spunky.� If Val replied, he didn�t hear it. ~ Backstrom visited Blue at noon the following day. He�d left Valentine sleeping on the couch when he�d gone to work, and called him on his way to the hospital, paranoia leading him to check they were okay. Valentine reassured him they were fine, and to prove it he�d drop by the SCU later with lunch. The first thing Blue said to Backstrom, once the nurse checking his vitals left them alone, was, �he�s got balls, I�ll give him that,� which threw him for a second. �Who?� �Valentine.� He sat down in the chair by the bed and leaned forward. �You listen to me, Dad. Twenty-seven years ago, you stuck your dick in a prostitute and the condom, if you bothered to use one, split. That fact, that accident, does not make you her son�s father. He�s had a tough and traumatic life, one you weren�t there for.� �I suppose you were.� He sounded like a petty child. �No, not for a while. I wish I had been. But for nineteen years he was on his own. Lou was a mess, he was an addict by twelve, a prostitute by fourteen. When he was sixteen, he was taken by a sexual predator, tortured and raped for three days before he escaped and got himself to a hospital. Lou took him back then, got him clean, but him living with her didn�t work and in the end she called me, asked me to give him a room, somewhere he could call home, somewhere he was safe. That was eight years ago. I didn�t know he was my brother. We became friends, despite the age difference, despite the fact that I�m a cop and he�s a�.� He shook his head. That detail wasn�t important. �We see the world in the same way. He�s a good man. He�s fought hard to be that way. He�s the only person on this miserable planet that I trust with my life, and I will protect him with it. Do you understand?� Blue nodded a fraction. He looked as if he might actually be listening. �He�s my brother. He isn�t your son, not in any sense that means anything. He will never meet your other sons and they will never know he exists. I wish they were the type of people who would welcome him, but they�re not and I wouldn�t wish those three homophobic assholes on anyone.� �Only because he�s� you know.� �Gay?� �I know you won�t believe me, but gay doesn�t bother me. It�s the other stuff, the makeup and the attitude, that I have a problem with.� Backstrom thought about telling him that they were part of his defences, the mask he wore in order to be able to face the world every day. But instead he just said, �It�s who he is.� �He didn�t get that from me.� �All he got from you was a Y chromosome. And possibly his penis.� �What?� �Nothing.� He got to his feet. �Look, just� go back home. You have three kids who actually like you. Spend time with them. I don�t like you, you don�t like me. Just leave us alone.� He left without even a backwards glance. |